I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
