Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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