I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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