No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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