I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
