yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
