I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
