Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
