i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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