Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
