i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
