we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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