I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize