I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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