I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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