I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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