We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
