just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
