I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
