Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
