Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
