my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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