I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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