I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
