Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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