This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
