Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
