I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
