I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
