i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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