Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
