I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
