we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
