My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
