Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
