he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
