Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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