Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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