You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
