My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
