she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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