I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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