why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
BRING THE BAGELS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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