Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize