I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just had sex bonerless
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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