nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
