Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
