Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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