Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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