We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
