I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
we're so committed to being not committed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
