The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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