i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
