Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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