I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
