Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
