Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
