We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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