It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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