Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
