Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
