so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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