do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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