How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
