Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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