Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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