Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
