This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
