i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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