i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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