I'm gonna have a badass scar
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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