she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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