If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
sarcasm needs its own font
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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