By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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